So here it is Wednesday, April 2. I have done NOTHING. I wanted to get back to business on Monday. Didn't happen. Decided, ok, Tuesday is April 1 - new month, I'll get going then. Didn't happen. Which brings us to today. Started off ok then I got to mid afternoon and lost my mind. Sitting on my butt doing what? Eating. I have to work tonight and I don't feel like it. I want to do some more sitting on my butt and get caught up on my TV shows. *sigh*
The good news is I had an audition this week after a month of crickets. Bad news is I hear more crickets. I shot a few character pics over the weekend after the disaster of a day that was the Atlanta Actors Symposium and getting my headshots ripped apart by a couple of Casting people from Los Angeles. Figured more shots might help. Sent them to my agent for feedback and either my email is broken (which I highly doubt since I'm still getting my daily Viagra email) or my energy is not enough to get them to "see" them. I'm sure they are busy, I just really would like to hear something. Anything.
I've been feeling ok about myself despite stuffing. My daily affirmations and Reiki treatments seem to be helping. I just want that energy to travel to the people that need to see me.
Back to Saturday for a moment. I was feeling pretty confident all day. Approached a couple of Casting Directors and said hello, gave out some headshots and felt back to my normal confident self. Then, the final seminar of the day. The headshot critique. They said they were ok. But then one of them told me that my picture suggests a tall, thin woman and if she brought me in, she would be pissed off when I walked in the room. Gee, thanks. I know I'm no skinny bitch but did she really have to go there in front of a room full of people? I hope she feels good about herself. I asked how do I remedy that in a headshot. Boy, those crickets are everywhere. Neither one had an answer except do a headshot in a blue sweater with my arms crossed and serious. WTF???!??!? THAT'S supposed to be my headshot? I don't get it. Yes, it's one thing I get cast for but I also get called in for cougars, moms, lawyers, secretaries, and sooooo many other types of characters. Plus, that doesn't solve the weight thing, does it? Or, does it? Does being type cast as a nurse character exempt me from pissing off the CD when I walk in with a few extra pounds on my frame? I don't know. I was pretty much done after that. I want to be motivated by it and get to work getting the weight off so I "match" my headshots but instead it's the opposite. I want to crawl in a hole and eat cake.
Speaking of cake, tomorrow is the hubs birthday. I'm making gluten free brownies. I will eat one. I'm not giving up my goodies for special occasions. I know I don't need it but I also don't want to beat myself up for having it to celebrate with my family.
I'm setting a new start date for next week. My kids will be back in school and I can work out in peace and make a new plan. I have to make this happen even if only for my mood to improve.
I DID say up and DOWNS, right? Yup, I am human.
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